I was born in Singapore and I’m a 4th year undergraduate at the National University of Singapore (NUS), currently pursuing a Bachelor of Mechanical Engineering. Being a Student Councillor in XinminSecondary School, I was actively participating in organizing major school events such as Chinese New Year celebrations and Homecoming Day, etc. Apart from my duties as a Student Councillor, I was also the Head of Logistics in the Audio and Visual Aids Club. In recognition for my contributions to the school, I was awarded a Graduation Service Award. Having a cheerful and friendly personality, I love to bring smiles to the faces of people around me.
Edited post:
I am a 4th year undergraduate at the National University of Singapore, currently pursuing a Bachelor of Mechanical Engineering. Being a Student Councillor in XinminSecondary School, I actively participated in organizing major school events. Apart from my duties as a Student Councillor, I was also the Head of Logistics in the Audio and Visual Aids Club. In recognition for my contributions to the school, I was awarded a Graduation Service Award. Having a cheerful and friendly personality, I love to bring smiles to the faces of people around me. I like to be optimistic and find satisfaction in overcoming tough challenges in life.
I liked the way you brought concreteness to your biodata when you mentioned about the award that you received. However I thought that you have quite a few long sentences that I thought it could be shortened. This would allow you to have more space to include further details about yourself which might add further value.
Hi Chong Guan! I thought that your biodata was clear and concise, very straightforward. One would be able to tell that you possess leadership qualities as you mentioned about the positions you held in various clubs. It ended nicely with a little more about your personality although I thought you can maybe elaborate a bit more. (if we are not limited to 100 words)
Hi Chong Guan, I think you can also write about your personal outlook to life or personal motto.
I believe what Peng Siang means about your extra long sentences is that you don't have to state examples of what major school events you took part in as student councillor. We all know, having been in the Singapore education system. Also, maybe you don't have to mention the award you won.
Sidetracking, do you know why I can read Peng Siang's mind? It is because he is my blogging buddy and I wrote something like that in my biodata which he deleted off. :)
Save these words and write something like your hobbies, beliefs or work ethic in its place.
I notice the achievements had to do with the positions held in secondary school. What about JC and NUS? I have to agree with Peng Siang and Yun Nian that you could have been more concise and leave out certain details. For example, you don't have to mention your nationality unless you're a foreigner here. Also, due to the word limit, there's no need to mention the school events unless it's something really special and worth mentioning. What's more important is the fact that you participated actively in the organisation of some major school events. Lastly, the second sentence should take on the past tense instead of the past continuous tense :-)
6 comments:
Hi Chong Guan,
I liked the way you brought concreteness to your biodata when you mentioned about the award that you received. However I thought that you have quite a few long sentences that I thought it could be shortened. This would allow you to have more space to include further details about yourself which might add further value.
Hi Chong Guan! I thought that your biodata was clear and concise, very straightforward. One would be able to tell that you possess leadership qualities as you mentioned about the positions you held in various clubs. It ended nicely with a little more about your personality although I thought you can maybe elaborate a bit more. (if we are not limited to 100 words)
Hi Chong Guan, I think you can also write about your personal outlook to life or personal motto.
I believe what Peng Siang means about your extra long sentences is that you don't have to state examples of what major school events you took part in as student councillor. We all know, having been in the Singapore education system. Also, maybe you don't have to mention the award you won.
Sidetracking, do you know why I can read Peng Siang's mind? It is because he is my blogging buddy and I wrote something like that in my biodata which he deleted off. :)
Save these words and write something like your hobbies, beliefs or work ethic in its place.
Hi Chong Guan,
Thanks for your informative biodata.
Below are some suggestions for improvement.
I notice the achievements had to do with the positions held in secondary school. What about JC and NUS? I have to agree with Peng Siang and Yun Nian that you could have been more concise and leave out certain details. For example, you don't have to mention your nationality unless you're a foreigner here. Also, due to the word limit, there's no need to mention the school events unless it's something really special and worth mentioning. What's more important is the fact that you participated actively in the organisation of some major school events. Lastly, the second sentence should take on the past tense instead of the past continuous tense :-)
Thanks for all the comments! I'll work on it!
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